Maybe One Day

Just need a space to type nonsense.. dunno if anyone will ever see this
Friday, January 25, 2002
I'ts bloody 4.12am in the morning where I am... this sucks... I hate this... hahaha... does anyone out there know how to give yourself sustenance on nites like these?? I'm sitting in front of my comp.. eating instant mee at the same time.. done with that tho.. the msg is really good.. stops the hunger pangs... feel like eating something else tho.. and to clear the record.. no I usually don't eat so much.. this early morning is cos I just woke up.. "rudely" awakened by my friend to do some work.. he's supposed to send something for the project... sigh.. gosh.. I hate projects like these.. they require you to talk alot and I mean loads of crap.. sometimes you wonder.. why the hell you would care of which direction the nation is heading to.. so frankly.. I don't give a shit for this project.. and I;m sure that none of my course mates are that crazy about it either.. and at this hour.. there's something wrong with the crazy email system... this stupid project costs 15% of the entire grade.. and it's just such a little piece of crap and it's worth so much.. then what of our bigger projects.. and the exam?? I think I'll flunk then... then I'll be in big fuck... I won't be able to go to the U... my dad will have a fit.. my mom will havce a fit.. and all of them will givce me some crap about how dissappointed they are with me.. I guess the only person who'll be happy about it will be my boyfriend.. sigh... I dunno... let's just say that I want to go overseas to study... not just for my parents.. but for me.. I think it'll be great... one and a hlaf years of independence.. of course.. that wil have to include burnt dinners and all that kinda stuff...

regarding my boyfriend... I should like to think that our relationship is based alot of trust.. I mean.. without this trust.. I don't think we can even make it.. but sometimes.. I really wonder what he thinks our relationship is based on.. maybe he just wants to be with me so that he can sleep with me.. I duno... I mean.. all my buy friends say that... I mean.. they say that sex is No.1 in a guy's mind when in a relationship.. and hearing all the mean things they said about one of my closer friends.. and their perception of him(not good).. and all.. I;m really sold to the idea that guys really think about sex all the time.. it's their priority... I mean.. if my friend has been leading me on to think he's goody-two-shoes and all that.. and the only reason he wants his ex-gf back is cos of sex.. then I really can;t accept that.. and people despise him about it.. as for me I think there should be a rational explanation for everything if only people give them the chance.. that's what's wrong with this world.. people don't want to give others chances.. sometimes I also think if I;m too nice.. and people take advantage of me... (not in that way).. I mean they take advantage of my niceness to do things for them and stuff like that.. sure it feels like no biggie./. but after a while.. it starts to get tiring.. and you'll be so boggled down with so many things that you have no idea.. I mean.. people ask me not from the tasks end of things.. it's more of the emtional.. I know my godsis is like.. boggled down in the tasks area..

I dunno.. I am tired of being nice.. I think sometimes it's a good thing that a person is bitchy.. I also feel I've changed.. they way I treat people.. I don't think I'm as tolerant as before.. is that a good thing? I sure dont like it.. but it just suddenyl came out of me.. I have no idea why.. I guess I could control my temper.. but that's quite hard.. esp when your thinking and perception towards a person makes you want to react differently..

Okay.. I think I've talked enough crap for one day.. for those of you reading this... sex is a beautiful thikng.. (esp the guys).. don't sleep around cos it's only a tool for you to use for love.. not for personal gain.. and guys.. do yourself a favour and don't think sex is no. 1.. it's a huge turnoff for girls.. thank you very much..

Wednesday, January 23, 2002
Damn brother.. damn damn damn brothers.. that's the problem with guys you know??? they always things they are right.. and the problem is.. there's no one to correct them.. so I'm gonna be subjected to a lifetime of getting kicked.. punched.. abused till I die.. until then... no one would care until my body starts to give out the nasty "aroma" of rot.. then people will start noticing.. the most sucky thing is that my boyfriend;s in the army.. wish I was like.. married.. so I can get out of this place.. away from the abuse.. the fucking stupid brothers.. and make a life of my own.. of being really protected by my boyfriend.. sigh.. but that's not gonna happen now.. is it..? it's still a long way more to go.. it's not fair.. I have no idea why I always get hit by my brothers and they get away scot-free...

sigh.. don't want to talk about it anymore...

doing my script now.. seems too long..

whatever... I feel like going shopping again!!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2002
HEY HEY.. another new day.. I have no idea what to write today.. think today is gonna be quite short.. cos there'll not be much btiching today.. I am in a surprisingly good mood today.. I think that's what the shopping did to me.. hahhaa.. yeah.. New Year shopping all the way.. I feel like such a spendthrift tho.. I think it's time to replenish the funds.. that's the prob with being a poor struggling student.. there's a limit to how much funds you have.. its not fair.. I would take a job.. but I am too busy for it.. or maybe too lazy.. hahaha... dunno... I just finished my work.. it's a script analysis.. not really.. an analysis of my own script.. a script I;m going to write..

Sigh.. sometimes.. I find that school sucks.. well..I feel like slacking my butt off.. instead I have to be working my butt off cos there are so many assignments due nowadays.. it sucks.. yeah.. like who doesn't think so..

the only thing that I feel like I'm feeling crappy for is the loss of my phone.. after one week.. sigh.. yeah.. I created this blog after it happened... but I can still talk about it now.. cos I'm stuck with an ugly dinosaur of a phone.. I feel crappy cos of it.. I miss my phone.. my mom bloody bought herself an 8310.. (my dream phone).. and I have to be stuck with her old phone.. 6110.. Nokia.. like most of the functions are gone.. so what's there to use?? I have no idea..

Well.. just praying that an angel sent by God will bring a new phone to me.. cos Im really sick and tired of this big bulky piece of crap..

Monday, January 21, 2002
geez... I have no idea how this thing works.. the only reason I'm using a pseudonym is cos... DUH!! Like I really want anyone to nitpick.. but people close to me would know my calling card.. so this is strictly just a place to type nonsense.. and share stuff.. I dunno.. maybe this is a good place to actually write a diary.. and I am pissed today.. pissed not only cos my boyfriend is not around.. pissed not only because I have so much owkr to do and I amnot starting on any of it.. but pissed cos I finally realised that no one cares about me.. well.. maybe people outside my family do..but not my family.. reason?? I dunno.. whatever triggered it off.. maybe it was the book.. yeah.. definitely the book.. this stupid english text book that my bro threw at me..let's give him a name.. let's name him.. Hogay... yeah.. good name.. it was a name that my neighbours used on him.. when he was like this crybaby... homo gay.. geddit??

anyway.. I have no idea.. he's becoming more and more irritable as days go by.. and maybe I was being this irritating bitch just now.. but then he did not have any reason to hurl anything at me.. I was talking with my other brother.. and he just picked up the phone and told me "SHUT UP".. of course I wasn't happy with that.. I mean.. who wouldn't be.. for crying out loud... I am the older one.. of course I would demand some respect from someone 4 yrs younger than me.. but no... I argued with me.. and taunted him.. ok.. I was being irritating but I am not gonna admit that to his face.. and he just told me he felt like hitting me.. and I said.. go ahead.. there's always the police t report assualt.. and he threw that fucking book at me.. not that it was extremely thick.. but he threw it hard enough that it hurt for five minutes.. and he threw it at close range...

I am pissed not cos of that.. that is ok.. pain can subside after a while.. and after a while.. I won't be pissed cos of that anymore.. but what I'm pissed about is that my mom totally ignored me.. I mean.. I told her.. and she ignored me.. she ignored my complaints... I mean.. what the... she's the one who's alwaus punishing me cos I lay a finger on my brother.. I have a whole lotta them by the way.. and she's like against people bullying anyone in the family.. I have no idea.. I mean.. I was like shouting at her to get her attention.. and she didn't respond.. she even turned away from me.. god damn it!!!!! and after my brother was done with the phone.. he came up and sat on the arm chair.. looked at me with the smug look on his face to show that he thought he got away with it.. and I knew he would do it again.. and something had to be done.. so I explained it to mom.. after bitching about it to my boyfriend.. and she fucking ignored me.. and my brothers downstairs studying with her was waiting to see what she was doing.. well.. fuck her.. and she is the one who keeps on talking about asking them to respect me.. well.. if she doesn't help me.. how are they supposed to respect me.. it ain't easy being the older sis..

well.. as they say in the discovery plot.. that is my discovery.. that no one cares..



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